AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability
to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when
vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen
times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it
back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of
confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming
this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering
for one armrest in a movie theater.
FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be
swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room
until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n.
Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one
has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant
whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they
want fresh ground pepper.
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone
number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a
dog presses its nose to it.
TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of
always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even
when you're only six inches away.
from the book "Sniglets" by Rich Hall and friends, (c) 1984, 1985,
1986 by Not the Network Company Inc.
Winners of a New York Magazine contest who were asked to
take a well known expression in a foreign language, change a single letter
and provide a definition for the new expression
RIGOR MORRIS
The cat is dead.
RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID
Honk if you're Scottish
HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?
Can you drive a French motorcycle?
VENI, VIPI, VICI
I came, I'm a very important person, I conquered
VENI, VIDI, VISA
I came, I saw, I shopped.
COGITO EGGO SUM
I think, therefore I am ... a waffle
QUE SERA SERF
Life is feudal
LEROI EST MORT. JIVE LEROI
The king is dead. No kidding
POSH MORTEM
Death styles of the rich and famous
PRO BOZO PUBLICO
Support your local clown
MONAGE A TROIS
I am three years old
HASTE CUISINE
Fast French food
QUIP PRO QUO
A fast retort
ALOHA OY
Love; greetings; farewell; and from such a pain you should never know
MAZEL TON
Tons of luck
VISA LA FRANCE
Don't leave your chateau without it
CAVE NE ANTE ULLAS CATAPULTAS AMBULES.
If I were you, I wouldn't walk in front of any catapults.
MACHINA IMPROBA! VEL MIHI EDE POTUM VEL MIHI REDDE NUMMOS MEOS!
You infernal machine! Give me a beverage or give me back my money!
ESTNE TIBI FORTE MAGNA FELES FULVA ET PLANISSIMA?
Do you by any chance happen to own a large, yellowish, very flat cat?
RE VERA, CARA MEA, MEA NIL REFERT.
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
UTINAM BARBARI SPATIUM PROPRIUM TUUM INVADANT!
May barbarians invade your personal space!
IN DENTIBUS FRUSTUM MAGNUM SPINACIAE HABES.
You have a big piece of spinach on your front teeth.
GRAMEN ARTIFICIOSUM ODI.
I hate astroturf.
CATAPULTUM HABEO. NISI PECUNIAM OMNEM NIHI DABIS, AD CAPUT TUUM SAXUM IMMANE MITTAM.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.
HEU! TINTINNUNTIUS MEUS SONAT!
Damn! There goes my bleeper!
HOCINE BIBO AUT IN EUM DIGITOS INSERO?
Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?
An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital. At the end of the
tour he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no signs of
injury.
He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims: "Fair fa'
yer honest sonsie face, Great chieftain o' the puddin' race!".
The Englishman, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, who
immediately launches into "Some hae meat, and canna eat, and some wad eat
that want it, But we hae meat and we can eat, and sae the Lord be
thankit."
The next patient sits up and declaims: "Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous
beastie, O what a panic's in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae
hasty, wi' bickering bl'attle. I wad be laith to run and chase thee, wi'
murdering prattle."
"Well," says the Englishman to his Scottish colleague, "I see you saved
the psychiatric ward for the last."
"No, no," the Scottish doctor corrects him, "This is the Serious Burns
Unit."
How To Write Good