Word Play Jokes - Page 5

More than 100 percent
Confucius Say...

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More than 100 percent

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? Here's a little maths that might prove helpful.

If...

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as...

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26...

and those figures are individually taken as a percentage of 100 ...

then...

H A R D W O R K

8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E

11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But...

A T T I T U D E

1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

and...

B U L L S H I T

2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top. And look how far...

A S S K I S S I N G

1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

will take you.!!!

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Confucius Say...

"Secretary not permanent fixture till screwed on desk."

"Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day."

"Man who stand on toilet high on pot."

"It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl."

"Man who jizz in cash register come into money."

"Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."

"Man who fart in church must sit in own pew."

"Man who finger girl having period get caught red handed."

"Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam."

"Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."

"Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger."

"Learn to masturbate-come in handy."

"Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock."

"Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy."

"The three best things in life are, a drink before and a ciggy after"

"Man who run in front of car, get tired"

"Man who run behind car, get exhausted"

"Passionate kiss like spiders web - soon lead to undoing of fly."

"Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."

"Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok"

"Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."

"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."

"Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house."

"Man who sleep in cat house by day, sleep in doghouse by night."

"Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!"

"Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"

"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."

"Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!"

"Man who sit on tack get point!"

"Man who lives in glass house should change in basement"

"He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs."

"Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk"

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